Letting Go
by SVUjunkie2011
Summary: Being here without him hurt. This was supposed to be their place, not just hers.


**a/n This is my first bensidy fic. I can either make it a one-shot or I can write more of it. I haven't decided yet. Enjoy.**

It had been a week since Olivia and Brian had decided to breakup. It had been a mutual decision but it still broke her heart. Brian was the first man she had ever really loved, allowed herself to love. after Brian had packed most his things and left the apartment Olivia had poured a glass if wine and cried. He had gone to Queens to stay with his mother while he searched for a new place. Today had been the first full day Olivia had spent in the apartment since the breakup. Being here without him hurt. This was supposed to be their place, not just hers. They had found this apartment together and knew it was a perfect fit. Olivia had thought about calling to see if Brian wanted to keep the apartment but she knew he wouldn't.

When Olivia had rolled out of bed this morning she had a pounding headache from the bottle of wine she had finished off last night. Olivia had asked Fin to look after things for the weekend since he was her senior detective at the moment. Fin had asked if Brian was taking her away from the weekend. Olivia had faked a smile and said yeah something like that. Fin agreed to look after things and Olivia had left him with instructions to call her if anything really important came up. Olivia had popped into the liquor store close a few blocks from the apartment to pick up a couple bottles of her favorite wine before heading home to an empty apartment. Once she had made it into the apartment and shed her work clothes Olivia had ordered some Chinese food. By one in the morning she had finished off all the Chinese and a bottle and a half of red wine.

After taking some aspirin Olivia had made her way back into the bedroom and crawled back under the covers. Within minutes she was back asleep with Brian's pillow in her arms. The next thing Olivia knew she was woken up by the bedroom light being turned on.

"Oh shit, sorry Liv I didn't know you were home. I just wanted to pick a few things up while i had some time," Brian said as Olivia sat up in bed and squinted her eyes, "I..uh..called the house phone and your call, when you didn't answer I figured you were busy at work."

When Olivia was fully awake she opened her eyes fully to see Brian standing in the doorway with his hand over his eyes.

"You don't have to hide your eyes, Bri. I mean we lived together, you've seen me in just a tshirt and boxers many times," Oliva said as she shifted in bed.

"I just don't want this to be awkward," Brian said as he stepped further into the room.

"It doesn't have to be awkward. Can you hand be my robe off the bathroom door?" Olivia said. Brian handed her the robe and she had slipped it on as quickly as possible, "I'm going to go put a pot of coffee on, do you want some?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, coffee would be good. I won't be too long, I just need a few things and some clothes for work," Brian said.

"Take your time. I'll be in the kitchen," Olivia said as she walked out of the bedroom.

Once Olivia was in the kitchen she put the coffee on to brew and popped some bread in the toaster. She needed something to help her queasy stomach. Twenty minutes later Brian came out of the bedroom carrying a couple duffel bags filled with clothes. Olivia as sat his cup of coffee on the bar so he took a seat and picked the cup up. Olivia stood in the kitchen with her back to the counter.

"Rough night?" Brian asked, noticing the empty bottles of wine and the single glass that sat on the counter.

"More like rough week. The cases the week were brutal. Trying to keep my squad in check. I don't have to worry about Fin, I know he has my back but Amaro and Rollins worry me. Sorry, I'm baubling. Guess my head is still a little foggy," Olivia said.

"How are you, Olivia? Besides a bad week at work?" Broan asked before taking a drink of coffee.

"I..uh..I'm ok, coping. I'm trying to manage as best as I can," Olivia said with a fake smile, "I needed a few days so I asked Fin to watch the squad until I come back on Tuesday. How are you? How's your mom?" Olivia asked as she turned to pour another cup of coffee.

"My mom is good. I'm not sure she likes me living there so i'm trying to find a cheap place closer to the city and work. Work has kept me pretty busy. I'm about to go under for a few weeks so I won't be able to get the rest of my things until after that. I hope that is all right," Brian said.

"Yeah, it is fine. Just let me know when you are ready to come get it," Olivia said.

"I will. Well I had better get going. Take care of yourself, Olivia," Brian said as he stood up.

"Take care of yourself too, Brian," Olivia said as she watched Brian walk over to his bags and pick them up. He gave her one last smile before walking to the door.

When Olivia heard the door close and the lock turn she felt the tears well up in her eyes. She dumped what was left of her coffee in the sink and walked into the living room. Olivia sat down on the couch and let the tears fall unchecked. She had let herself dream up this life with Brian. One where they were possibly married and had children. Now she was alone, single, childress.

Olivia laid down on the couch and let the memories flood her mind. One of the last times they had made love had been on the couch. it had been passionate and filled with so much love. This apartment was filled with so many great memories.

Tomorrow was a new day and she had to learn how to live on her own again.

**a/n leave me a review and let me know if i should keep writing it or just leave it as a one-shot.**


End file.
